35 Year Old Orphaned by Divorce Crazy

There are some horrors from childhood you survive with the belief that when it's over, it's over.  You know you'll never have to relive it.  Horrible things like puberty or the 7th grade come to mind.  For me, one of those horrors was my parents divorce.  My parents were terrible together.  Just awful.  They split in 1991, I was 16. 

Like their marriage, my parents divorce was loud, ugly, immature and embarrassing.   Their hatred of each other was all consuming.  My brother, sister and I had to be the grown ups, but that wasn't new.  My father worked in NYC during the week and was only home on weekends.  My mother suffered from severe bouts of depression.  There were days she didn't leave her bedroom.  We learned to care for ourselves.  My little sister would drag a chair over to the stove and cook and we each learned how to do laundry.  By the time I was 13 I had perfected my mother's signature. 

When they finally split for good, we were relieved.  There were plenty of dress rehearsals, but this was it.  It was finally over.  We would have peace, or so we thought.  We didn't know they'd fight for 7 years.  We didn't know the easiest thing about their divorce would be the custody arrangement.  The custody arrangement that we arranged. 

I was 16 or 17 when they asked me to chose.  Who did I want to live with?  At 16 or 17 I wasn't leaving my school or my friends.  I'd known most my classmates since kindergarten.  School was salvation.  School provided me with things I didn't get at home - leadership, guidance, stability.  I was a different girl in school, one who was confident, happy and tough.  I was good at keeping secrets.  To this day most of my high school friends don't know the half of it.

I chose the house. My younger brother and sister followed my lead.  They each could have chosen differently, but we knew the score.  We had to think about our well being.  Staying together and in school was probably what saved us. 

If my parents were terrible married, then they were a nightmare during the divorce.  They fought over everything.  They fought like animals about a damn rototiller.  About 6 months after they split our house burned down.  They fought over who would get to fix it!  The insurance money sat in escrow over a year.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the children had not taken custody off the table. 

They fought like this for almost 7 years.  They went through multiple lawyers.  It was beyond ridiculous.  Then one day their lawyers called.  During one of the many court dates the judge snapped.  He signed off on my parents divorce and told their lawyers that if he ever saw my parents in his courtroom again they'd be jailed for contempt.  My parents were officially divorced and barred from court.

That was 13 years ago.

In March, my father was diagnosed with cancer.  He told us in April.  Though his prognosis is hopeful, he'll still need surgery so we've been tying up lose ends.  My parents never took care of some of their divorce agreements.  The house is still in both their names.  My mother is still on my father's annuity.  So the children once again must come to the rescue. 

During this process we made a mind bending discovery.  Our parents may not be legally divorced. 

Talk about a serious WTF moment.

Those of you who are divorced or have legal experience may have recognized the problem already.  A divorce is a dissolution of a partnership.  Both parties agree to the terms of the dissolution.  Both parties sign the agreement.  The agreement is processed and filed with the County Clerk's office. 

Even though there is a Judgment of Divorce filed for my parent, I confirmed that with the County Clerk's office myself, they might not be divorced because I'm not sure if either one signed the damn papers.  The Judge may have just pushed their paperwork through, and the Judgment was filed without either nitwit signing the papers.

The County Clerk's office couldn't tell me anything other than there was a Judgment on file .  When I explained my circumstances she asked me to hold for one minute to review their paperwork.  She came back ten minutes later, confirmed their Judgment and advised me to have an attorney review their file when one of them receives it.  That doesn't sound good. At. All.

I've come to the decision to just quit.  I'm done.  I'm declaring myself an orphan, and will be placing myself up for adoption.  My sister said I'm beyond the adoptable age, but I disagree.  I think I'm at the perfect age.  All I require is my picture on the wall and for you to brag to your friends about me.  If you require grandchildren I will simply fake it.  A few pictures from some magazines and we're good.  Maybe I'll borrow a friend's kids for the day.  I don't know.  We'll make it work.

Seriously, I'm tired of raising my parents.  I'm 35.  I'm over it.  I quit.